Q: Did you Die?
A: No, I have been real busy with
Lindsay, and work..
Q: You know a guy named Stacy? ...and you admit to being friends with him?
A: Stacy is not only a dear friend, he is a very successful man. Stacy is the guy that I wrote about in the FAQ of this website. He is the one who bet me $1000 to do this crazy test. Drinking only Pepsi Spice for 45 days may seem like a walk in the park to you.. but to me, its starting to be pure hell... I have been pissing red, and its not blood...it shouldn't even be possible to piss red...I have been shitting red.. again not blood....but yet all my tests say I should be fine. Stacy thinks its all very funny... but he also thinks cutting body parts out of magazines and photos and building celebrities out of them is funny. So funny Maxim magazine hired him to do just that. So next time you're on the shitter, spraying out some Pepsi Spice reading about what cell phone Tom Arnold bought at a garage sale in Maxim...and you see a Britney Spears picture, but its made out of monkeys lips and George Washington's eyes from the dollar bill... you will have seen Stacy's work. For my birthday last year he gave me a nice photo for my study. He signed the back.
I dont think it really looks like me, but I give him a "A" for effort for using one of his balls as my face... of course thats a more deluxe version of Stacy's work.. something he doesn't do for Maxim.. because Maxim doesn't ask.. If they need a Jessica Simpson by Tuesday... he gives them a quick 5 min job:
Hard life... But he always invites me to rad parties here in LA..so it does have its perks. We went to a party last night for the recent Seinfeld DVD release sponsored by Maxim, where me and that Kramer guy sat in a tickle chair together and was tied up and tickled by old black women in powdered wigs (very hawt party trend right now in LA). ...wait what was the question?
Q: What did the Doctors say?
A: Nothing much...they said not to eat fast food/greasy food... and to drink alot of water. wuhahah.. too bad I cant! Actually Stacy said he thinks im cheating by having ice cubes, so now all my ice cubes are made of Pepsi Spice.. So I might be getting more fucked up soon.
Q: Have you played Half Life 2, and will you sign my game?
A: I just got it, it kicks ass...its better then Doom 3.. and I look sexy in it. Sorry I cant sign your game, or I will get sued.. but if you want you can send me naked pictures of your girlfriend.
Q: Has Pepsi contacted you,?
A: I had one email, but im not sure if it was really from Pepsi or not.. I think it was spoofed.. or some employee from Pepsi is a comedian... he sent me a obviously photoshoped picture of that girl from Pepsi's commercials, with a note saying: "Your face looks like a sick penis".
Q: Besides health effects... have you had any other effects from the Pepsi Spice?
A: We'll I have been gaining some insane weight.. Im fatter then I have ever been.. Today I was 175.. I started at 153 for shit sakes!... I almost have a tummy!.. this is horrible.. also I have been having weird dreams...well even worse its the same dream over and over... When I was a kid I had a "Armatron" from Radio Shack..it was a robot arm that you could control with a little joystick.. I would always have it comb my hair.. I remember doing this as late as 5th grade.. because I was crying one night after being beat up by a school bully.. and while I cried with my head down in my arms..I would have my Armatron comb my hair... My dreams recently has been of a full robot.. but he is combing my hair so rough...and its pulling my hair out..it hurts.. but not tears come from my eyes..just blood...and then I shit my pants.. (in my dream that is...I have'nt shit myself in real life for a few days..).
Q: What is your relationship with the cable television channel G4TECHTV?
A: None really.. I did meet this guy that said he was in charge of g4.. He was at a bondage party..real gay guy.. he had a naked "Dirk" from Dragons Lair on his ass.. and I know this because he was wearing pants with the ass cheaks showing.... I talked to him because I also was waiting in line to get my nipples shocked and slapped with a horses tail.. we started talking and he said how they (g4) bought the cable channel; "TechTv".. thats all I can remember, because I stoped listening to him when he started talking about "changes".
Q: Are you really dating a girl... a girl without a penis?
A: My girl is a wonderful person.. she does have extended lips..but sorry she does not have a penis.
Pepsi Holday Spice Consumed:
24 (12oz cans)
12.5 (2 liters)
Weight: 175 (buying new scale in morning just to make sure)
Health Effects Noted (If Any): Dreams of robots combing my hair, rash on neck